no, he came in my armpit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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