the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
