i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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