I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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