i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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