This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
