oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
