I CAN MOONWALK!
my sisters under your porch take her home
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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