well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
