So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
