I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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