that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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