Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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