4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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