Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
