just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
