her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
