Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
