honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
