Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
