making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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