if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
