she kept yelling 'call me bella'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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