you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
