Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
