Got a toothbrush?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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