the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
