New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
