It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
