it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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