I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
two words...techno handjob
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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