Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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