he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
