That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
