Whod you bang
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
