Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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