saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
