apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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