You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
