there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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