i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was a blind-side dick pic.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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