There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
