I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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