Don't make out with my wife yet
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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