He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
