stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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