My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
