Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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