Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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