I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We need to get me chipped asap
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
