I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
