Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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