i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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