I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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