Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
